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 | | From: | Chris McFetridge | | Subject: | confusion | | Date: | 13 Dec 2004 16:25:03 -0800 |
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 | Hi All,
Sorry to bother you.
I have a question that I'm hoping you might be able to help me with.
I'm 20, currently single and am having doubts about my uality. As I
sit and write this I'm finding it incredibly difficult to explain... I
have a lot of female friends and enjoy being around women and have had
girlfriends in the past. When I'm out and about and I see a good
looking girl I'll acknowledge that's she's good looking but that's
about it (not like some of my other friends (entirely straight and
homophobic) who start talking about how they'd "fuck her" and stuff
like that – that's not my style and as a result I've found it quite
difficult to talk to them about this topic. I know looks are important
but I prefer to get to know the person, develop a bond and friendship
then take things further. I've found that most of my relationships are
influenced by my slightly, (dare I say it), 'feminine' outlook (more
caring, considerate values). That being said I'm not . I'm not
attracted to members of my own gender but (like females) I can
acknowledge that they're good looking (and at times I've said "if I
was I'd go out with you"). Does this mean I'm biual or just
extremely confused?
Chris
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| | From: | Daimon | | Subject: | Re: confusion | | Date: | Tue, 14 Dec 2004 16:45:11 +0100 |
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| Chris McFetridge wrote:
> Hi All,
>
> Sorry to bother you.
>
> I have a question that I'm hoping you might be able to help me with.
>
> I'm 20, currently single and am having doubts about my uality. As I
> sit and write this I'm finding it incredibly difficult to explain... I
> have a lot of female friends and enjoy being around women and have had
> girlfriends in the past. When I'm out and about and I see a good
> looking girl I'll acknowledge that's she's good looking but that's
> about it (not like some of my other friends (entirely straight and
> homophobic) who start talking about how they'd "fuck her" and stuff
> like that – that's not my style and as a result I've found it quite
> difficult to talk to them about this topic. I know looks are important
> but I prefer to get to know the person, develop a bond and friendship
> then take things further. I've found that most of my relationships are
> influenced by my slightly, (dare I say it), 'feminine' outlook (more
> caring, considerate values). That being said I'm not . I'm not
> attracted to members of my own gender but (like females) I can
> acknowledge that they're good looking (and at times I've said "if I
> was I'd go out with you"). Does this mean I'm biual or just
> extremely confused?
>
> Chris
Let me start by saying that I don't have an answer for you. I would just
like to comment on your post.
I have never had a girlfriend - I have lots of female friends, but I
don't feel a conscious desire to have with any of them, even though
some are quite good looking. As you might have guessed by now, I have
with guys only. I don't resent the thought of having with a girl
- it just doesn't cross my mind.
While other people may refer me to as '' based on this description,
it is not a term I myself would use, as I feel it puts too many
restrictions on what I can and cannot do.
I am quite a decent (female) babe-spotter - which has on several
occasions lead to accusations that I am only pretending to be to get
to the girls. It's as if I cannot possibly consider some female super
model to be hot, just because I have with guys.
Now I just let people make up their own mind. When asked, I simply state
that even though I like girls too, I have with guys only. Then they
can label me whatever way they prefer. I don't care anymore.
I guess my message to you is this: Don't get stuck in labels. You are
the only one who can determine your ual preferences. You are not
biual unless YOU say so.
/Daimon
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| | From: | Vron McIntyre | | Subject: | Re: confusion | | Date: | Tue, 14 Dec 2004 18:50:10 GMT |
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| "Chris McFetridge" wrote
> Hi All,
>
> Sorry to bother you.
>
> I have a question that I'm hoping you might be able to help
> me with.
>
> I'm 20, currently single and am having doubts about my
> uality. As I sit and write this I'm finding it incredibly
> difficult to explain... I have a lot of female friends and
> enjoy being around women and have had girlfriends in
> the past. When I'm out and about and I see a good looking
> girl I'll acknowledge that's she's good looking but that's
> about it (not like some of my other friends (entirely straight
> and homophobic) who start talking about how they'd "fuck
> her" and stuff like that - that's not my style and as a result
> I've found it quite difficult to talk to them about this topic. I
> know looks are important
They are?
> but I prefer to get to know the person, develop a bond and
> friendship then take things further. I've found that most of my
> relationships are influenced by my slightly, (dare I say it),
> 'feminine' outlook (more caring, considerate values). That
> being said I'm not . I'm not attracted to members of my
> own gender but (like females) I can acknowledge that they're
> good looking (and at times I've said "if I was I'd go out
> with you"). Does this mean I'm biual or just extremely
> confused?
The way I see it, if you're attracted to women and attracted to men,
it would be reasonable to refer to yourself as biual, if you want
to.
I'm not sure if you're saying you're attracted to men or not. Is that
where the confusion lies?
--
Vron McIntyre
vron@chariot.fsnet.co.uk
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| | From: | Ayana Craven | | Subject: | Re: confusion | | Date: | 14 Dec 2004 16:09:20 -0500 |
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| In article <7eo392-idt2.ln1@feng.comcast.net>,
Vron McIntyre wrote:
>"Chris McFetridge" wrote
[]
>> but I prefer to get to know the person, develop a bond and
>> friendship then take things further. I've found that most of my
>> relationships are influenced by my slightly, (dare I say it),
>> 'feminine' outlook (more caring, considerate values). That
>> being said I'm not . I'm not attracted to members of my
>> own gender but (like females) I can acknowledge that they're
>> good looking (and at times I've said "if I was I'd go out
>> with you"). Does this mean I'm biual or just extremely
>> confused?
>
>The way I see it, if you're attracted to women and attracted to men,
>it would be reasonable to refer to yourself as biual, if you want
>to.
>
>I'm not sure if you're saying you're attracted to men or not. Is that
>where the confusion lies?
Well, he says right up there that he's not attracted to members of
his own gender. I think that would put "biual" nd "" right
out of the picture.
I think if I was making a category I'd have to go with "not
homophobic enough to mind thinking about it, but not interested".
Which is certainly different enough from the more "normal" reaction
of "ick, cooties!" to possibly be confusing.
Possibly the popular term is "straight, but not narrow" ?
Ayana, can certainly appreciate a good-looking male body or face,
but most definitely lesbian
--
"Most Americans who don't have health care don't have health care
by choice" -- Reed Dickens, Bush-Cheney spokesman, July 15th, 2004
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